The Blah Blah Blahs of Katie A's Mind: And it might be the muscle relaxants talking. But probably not.

To start off, I should declare: I am an extrovert. And not in the textbook way (more concerned with practicalities than inner thoughts), but in the social way. I (for the most part) try to surround myself with people, and deal with my emotions and thoughts through them. When sad I like to have someone to talk to, when happy I want someone to celebrate with. And when my friends are sad I'd prefer to be with them than to leave them alone, etc. etc. Studying abroad has somewhat messed with my extroverted ways...

What I really didn't realize while studying abroad is how much change a person goes through. And even harder to accept is how much change occurs back home with friends and family that I have no control over, and in some cases, I will have no knowledge of.

I did not know anyone in my program before coming here, and am the only person from Gonzaga (or Seattle). Fortunately I'm not the only person from Gonzaga in Madrid, and that makes it easier (thank god for miss haley). But really, I could've come to this program calling myself a different name, acting a different way, doing things differently than I do at home and no one here would be any the wiser. There is literally nothing holding me to be the person I was at home. And while some may rejoice in this, I think it's almost depressing. At the risk of sounding corny or whatever, it's nice to have some links to home, and links to who you are at home. I think it's one of the reasons I spend so much money and time traveling to see people from Gonzaga or from my high school. I suck at dealing with emotional turmoil while flying solo.

Unlike at Gonzaga, where most of my time is spent running from one activity or friend to another, I have a lot of alone time here. It's not that I want to spend it alone, but when you have to take a 30 min Metro to get anywhere and you don't live close to friends... you know. And I've done quite a bit of traveling by myself, which (truth be told) kind of sucks. And I'm looking at having to travel some solo this summer, too. But I guess that's part of the experience? At least it's becoming a part of mine.

Our program ends in less than two months, I'll be back in the states in about 2.5 months. And as much as I try to communicate over postcards and skype and facebook and email, I fear many of my relationships back home might change. There will be inside jokes I will have no knowledge of, and people will have, for the most part, evolved. (in some cases de-evolved?)

To those people I haven't talked to while over here? I won't be the same person. Already my religious beliefs, my view of the world, all of that, have changed. Maybe for the better? Or maybe not.

(please note this is my experience, not all your friends abroad have mental breakdowns and revelations or freak out that everything is changing back home. Also, as mentioned in the title, I am on muscle relaxants. They are strong. Also overly emotional for reasons that are TMI.)